The Best Of A Bad Situation
by Narcissa's Dragon
Summary: Wherein Narcissa, Bellatrix and Draco have the adventure of a lifetime. You'll laugh, you'll cry, you'll wonder what on earth is wrong with me. This fic contains incest, drugs, humor AND a plot. Enjoy and review.
1. The Portkey Incident

Welcome, my friends to the funniest piece of fanfiction I have ever written. This was a challenge piece put forth by the one and only Mrs. Milfoy. Here are the parameters:

1. Muggle bath salts

2. A Marlene Dietrich film

3. The song "Islands in the Stream"

4. Bellatrix LeStrange crochets one of those little Christmas ornament angels

5. At least 3 Freudian slips

6. Say something nice about Lucius Malfoy

7. A mud wrestling match (you get a Scooby snack for every Malfoy involved)

Shall we begin?

**Chapter one**

_**The Portkey Incident**_

"Mum, I _really_ don't want to go." Draco said for the hundredth time, still desperately trying to plead his case.

In all actuality, he didn't have a case at all. What he _did _have, is the sullen resentment of being dragged along on an all weekend shopping extravaganza with his mother and his Aunt Bellatrix. The prospect of which, sent chills down his spine.

"Draco, I am not going to argue about this anymore." His mother said as she flicked her wand, folding a few more things for the trip. "You need clothes. We've been through this a hundred times, son. You're beginning to look like one of those...Weasley's."

"My clothes are fine." He argued as he turned around, examining himself in his mother's full length bedroom mirror. "Besides, can't you two just go get my clothes and bring them back?"

Narcissa stopped what she was doing to eye him in the reflection. Draco peered back and saw that she had _that_ look. The look that stated she was finished arguing. He swallowed, daring to continue.

"I had plans this weekend, mum." He stated as he turned to face her.

Narcissa slammed closed the trunk and marched up to him whirling him toward her.

"You _made_ plans only after I told you, you were going with us." She said as she found two missing buttons on the black Oxford he was wearing. "That, darling, is your own fault. Now go pack before breakfast or I'll do it for you."

Draco pulled away, and muttered under his breath as he straightened his shirt. "Surround myself with fucking crazy bitches, I do."

"Excuse me?" His mother replied.

"You called?" Bella grinned leaning on the door jam.

"Merlin's saggy fucking balls. I'm going." Draco stated as he moved toward the door and past Bella.

"Not staying to chat, nephew?" Bella turned and called after him.

"Bugger off, Bella," was his only reply as he made his way to his room.

Bellatrix laughed as she sauntered into her sister's room. She plopped down on the edge of the bed and filtered through the trunk. Pulling out a pair of knickers, she said, "Perhaps we should get you something more...interesting this weekend."

Narcissa came up, snatched them out of her hand and placed them back in the trunk.

"Those are my comfortable ones." Narcissa hissed as she closed the trunk yet again.

"And you wonder where he gets it?" Bella said as she walked toward the mirror.

"Gets what? He is a Malfoy, and he will look like one. Not some homeless reprobate someone dragged off the street."

"Mordred's fuck stick, Narcissa. I've only been a month out of Azkaban, and I can tell you smother the boy. Let him live in threadbare clothes if he wants to. Shite, get him a whore. The boy needs his first good shag." Bellatrix lectured while blowing an errant curl out of her face.

Narcissa whirled around. "His first..._shag_...will _not_ be with a filthy prostitute."

"Well I believe that may be up to him, sister." Bellatrix stated with a grin. "Why are you getting so worked up about this anyway? He's almost grown."

"Because he's _not_ grown yet! I am _still_ his mother. He will abide by my wishes or..."

"Or what, Cissy? What will you do?" Bella inquired roughly. "You know, if I didn't know better, I'd think you want him all to yourself."

"And _what _exactly does _that_ mean, Bellatrix?" Narcissa scathed.

"I _mean_, he is an awfully beautiful specimen of a wizard, and he's probably hung like a horse." Bella laughed.

"You are...twisted, sister. Unhinged even." Narcissa replied as she turned away to hide the pink flush that crept up her face.

"You _do_ want him!" Bellatrix said as she laughed deeply. "Oh, Cissy...this will be like having a Black family reunion!"

Narcissa composed herself and turned toward her sister.

"Have you even packed?" Narcissa spat.

"I have everything I need right here." Bella grinned, pointing at her ample cleavage.

"Really, Bella? At least take some extra knickers." Narcissa said shaking her head.

"Why would I do that?" Bellatrix stated as she walked up to her sister. She leaned in and whispered in her ear. "I don't wear them."

Narcissa unceremoniously shoved her sister away. Bella laughed and walked toward the door.

"See you at breakfast." Bella said as she winked and exited.

Breakfast saw the trio in many different attitudes. Draco, still surly over having to go shopping. Narcissa, still flustered at her sister's discovery, and Bella...just being Bella. Lucius had completely read through the prophet, and made to leave when he turned toward Narcissa.

"Are you three still planning this...excursion?" He asked.

"Yes, dear. We shall be portkeying after breakfast." She answered as she sipped her tea.

"That's fine, but I need to show you which portkey. We've added one just recently and it would _not _be in your best interest to use it." He informed, glancing at Bella.

"What have you two done?" Narcissa inquired, skeptically.

Bellatrix smiled at her sister. "Just a bit of a cursed portkey for ickle little Potter."

"Another one?" Draco finally joined in. "You tried thatone already, remember? It didn't work out so well."

"Yes...but _this_ one is different. Much different." Bella grinned evilly. "Got it from Mundungus."

"Spirits be with us, Bella, what does it do?" Narcissa asked, rubbing her forehead.

"Not important. And I know which one it is, Lucius. Remember? You can go away now and pretend to do important work." Bellatrix said as she waved him away.

Lucius stood for a moment eyeing Bella before he backed down and walked out.

"So...what's first on the agenda, sister?" Bellatrix asked.

Narcissa leaned forward and picked up the newspaper. Unfolding it, she answered. "We'll need to check in at the hotel. We'll get our room and then be off."

"Room? Don't tell me you've only gotten one room for the three of us." Draco growled.

"It's just for the weekend, Dragon, and there will be plenty of space for you to do... whatever it is you do." Narcissa countered.

"I can't believe, with all our money, you couldn't..."

"Draco, darling," Bellatrix leaned forward and cut him off. "Will you please pass me the salt?"

Draco grabbed the shaker, still glaring at his mother and stood. When he looked at his aunt he saw that she had leaned forward with elbows on the table and her breasts were threatening to spill out of the trim black corset she wore.

Eyes fixed on her chest, Draco stood motionless for a few seconds. Narcissa looked up from the paper at her son and followed his line of sight. Before anything could be said, a loud crack resounded and the house elf came to clear the empty dishes. Bellatrix leaned back, Narcissa angrily folded the paper and tossed it back to the table, while Draco came out of his stupor.

"How was your meal, young master?" The house elf inquired.

Draco looked down at the creature and said, "It was the breast beckfast ever."

Twenty minutes later found them entering the room with the portkeys. In the very center was a table and three, very similar, old worn tomes were displayed. The group stood in front of the table, looking down.

"Who would do this?" Draco asked exasperated.

"I imagine your, not so well put together, aunt." Narcissa interjected.

"I think they look dastardly, all sitting there together. Besides...I've already told you I know which one." Bella defended. "It's the one in the middle."

Draco moved to touch it when Bella grabbed his hand.

"Wait!" She cried, "You have to say the words!"

Then, very dramatically and very loudly, she spoke.

"KLAATU...BARADA...NECK-TIE!"

Narcissa and Draco looked at her with confusion and simultaneously said, "What?"

"Oh nothing...just something I heard one time. Anyway...are we ready?" She smiled.

"Absolutely," Draco said. "Let's get this over with."

Three hands met on the middle tome, and they vanished.

**A/N**

**I'm waiting till the end to post author's notes. Technically this is an author's note and it's not at the end but I had to leave an author's note to let you know that I am not posting author's notes. I would love reviews, though. They make me happy.**


	2. A Busload of Old

**Chapter 2**

**A Busload of Old**

When all was done, it only took a moment for the group to realize something had gone terribly wrong. Instead of standing in front of a four star wizard hotel, they found themselves lying scattered in an alley next to a large waste bin. Brick buildings towered on both sides, and the sound of muggle vehicles honking and sirens clamored in the distance.

"What in Hades happened?!" Draco groaned, slowly sitting up. I feel like utter shite."

He looked around, and saw his mother and his aunt, not far off. Bella was coming to, but his mother was still unmoving next to a bag of refuse.

"Mum!" He cried, quickly moving over to her.

"She'll be fine. As fine as can be expected, anyway." Bella said as she rubbed her temples.

"What the fuck happened, Bella?!" Draco said, accusingly.

"It might have been the one on the left." Bellatrix stated, taking a deep breath.

"The one on the… Are you fucking telling me we used the wrong portkey?!" Draco practically screamed.

Just then, Narcissa began to stir. Her eyes fluttered open, and she stared up at her son.

"Why do I smell rotten cabbage?" She asked, confused.

"_Your sister_, chose the cursed portkey." Draco stated, vehemently.

"What?!" Narcissa, cried as she sat up too quickly. "What's happened, Bella?!" Light-headed, she clutched on to her son for support.

"I may have guessed wrong." Bella said, trying to diffuse the situation but failing miserably.

"Bella... If ever there was a time in my life that I've wanted you hurt, this may soar to the top of the list." Narcissa said as she looked around in disgust. "Where are we, anyway?"

"I'm not exactly sure. It hadn't been set up for a destination yet." Bellatrix admitted.

"Lovely holiday." Narcissa muttered as she slowly stood and straightened her skirts.

Draco sat back against the waste bin. "Mum, why don't we just apparate back to the manor. You can take me side-along."

Narcissa looked down and held out her hand as Draco grabbed it and stood.

"_That_… might be a problem." Bellatrix stated, still sitting on the pavement.

The two looked over at her and Narcissa inquired with barely concealed rage.

"Go on?" Narcissa prompted.

Bellatrix began fidgeting with the laces of her leather boots.

"We have no magic." She said, quietly.

Before Draco could react, Narcissa took three, very quick steps toward her sister and grabbed Bella's nest of unruly locks. Pulling her to her feet, Narcissa then pushed her roughly into the brick wall on the opposite side of the alley knocking the breath out of her sister with an audible 'Oomph'.

"Mum!" Draco yelled, and started forward.

Narcissa jerked one hand from her sister's hair, the other, still pinning her to the wall and pointed at her son.

"Do NOT...get involved!" She hissed. Draco froze in his steps and tossed hands up in surrender.

Narcissa turned once again to face her sister.

"I am _supposed_ to go shopping today. Right now, I am not shopping." She hissed, a mere inch from Bella's mouth. "Please tell me you have a solution to this problem?"

Bellatrix smiled.

"First... yes. I have an idea. Second..." Her smile widened, and she whispered. "If you don't let me go, I will fuck you right here in this filthy alley, in front of your darling son."

For just a moment, Narcissa continued to glare at her sister with lips pursed. Then, expelling a tightly held breath, let go and turned away to fix her hair. Draco carefully approached the pair.

"So what are we supposed to do then?" He asked. "We can't just stand around in this...filthy alley."

Bellatrix took a few steps toward the street and stopped. She watched as the cars and buses rolled by, screeching and honking in a cacophonic, bizarre parade.

"Mundungus is the only wizard I know that makes a point to spend time with the muggles. It is Saturday. Tonight he'll be at a gentleman's club called the Nags Head. If we can find out where it is, we can go there and get him to send a message to Lucius." Bella said.

"It's half ten in the morning!" Narcissa said emphatically. "What on earth do you suggest we do in this horrific place with no magic, and no muggle money until tonight?"

Draco came up behind his mother and laid a hand on her shoulder. Narcissa turned and looked up at him, frustration etched all over her face.

"It'll be alright, mum." He assured her. "Muggle studies is required at Hogwarts. Never thought I'd use it, but I guess it'll come in handy today. All we have to do is ask for directions, make our way there, and wait for him to show up. It's not quite the day we had planned, but we'll muddle through."

Narcissa took a deep breath and looked toward her sister and the street.

"Fine," she said. "Let's just get this over with."

"Sounds like a marvelous plan, Dragon. Provided we've ended up in London." Bella cackled over her shoulder.

"I hate you, sometimes." Narcissa said as she passed Bellatrix.

The trio began walking toward the hustle and bustle, and just as they passed the big brick building to turn the corner they ran into an old couple trying to read a map.

There was a loud 'OOMPH' from all involved in the collision. The woman dropped her purse, spilling a few things out, and the man quickly folded his map.

The couple were both older, appearing to be in their sixties. The man was wearing dark blue trousers with a simple white oxford. He looked cheerfully at the three while his wife bent to pick up the contents of her handbag.

"Seriously, Morty," The woman said, "Married forty years, and you still don't help me with anything."

The woman had a very odd accent.

"Draco, help this woman pick up her things." Narcissa said, thinking quickly.

Draco looked sideways at his mother, scowling. The elbow that contacted his ribs with just a bit too much force, made his decision easy. As Draco bent down to help the woman, Morty began speaking.

"No harm, no foul, I say." He spoke with a grin. "Name's Morty. This here little butterfly is my wife, Clara." He held out his hand to Narcissa who grasped it trying to keep her disgusted facial muscles in check. Narcissa noticed he too, had a peculiar accent.

"Excuse me… Er… Morty? Where are you from?" She asked hoping to find out a little of where they had ended up.

"Ah...Jersey! Born and bred!" Morty said turning slightly toward Bella to shake her hand.

Bella didn't waste a moment but grabbed Morty by the shirt collar.

"Where... is... this...Jersey?" She said, almost growling at the poor, wide eyed man.

Two things happened at once. Narcissa jumped to pull Bella off Morty and Draco stood and asked a very serious question.

"Wait! We're not in London?!"

Narcissa pulled Bella off and proceeded to rattle off every kind of apology she knew. Which turned out to be about one and a half.

Morty straightened his rumpled shirt and helped Clara up.

"Of course you're in London, boy." Morty stated with a laugh. Oh...you must be tourists too!" He said as he clapped Draco on the back hard enough to make him stagger forward a bit.

"Yes!" She said, thinking quickly. "You are correct, sir. We are muggle tourists indeed. Would you mind telling us where we are, and help us find our destination?"

Morty and Clara looked at each other and smiled.

"I would love to, kids." Morty said and Narcissa raised an eyebrow. "But Clara and I have no idea where we are either."

"I see." Said Narcissa and looked down the sidewalk

"Oh don't listen to him, dear." Clara interjected as she walked passed Morty, Draco and Narcissa. "He never knows where he's going." She approached Bella and proceeded to begin brushing off her long black skirt. Bellatrix just looked down at her with head cocked.

"The bus is one street over from here." She offered, still sprucing up Bella's skirt. "West, I believe." She pointed toward the alleyway the three had just emerged from.

Bella, without expression, just looked down at Clara. Narcissa looked at Bella hoping she wouldn't knife the poor muggle woman in broad daylight. Draco... well he just looked disgusted at the entire situation.

"Our bus driver, Bert, will tell you exactly where you want to go. He's a chimney sweep in the evening, you know. Sweet man. Dating a lovely girl... Mary, I think he said was her name." Clara said as she finished straightening the garment and stood. "Now sweetie… _You_," She smiled, pointing at Bellatrix, "Look much more presentable."

Draco snorted. "Now that's a feat if ever I heard it." He continued before Bella could retort. "Do you two mind if I talk to my mum and aunt for a moment?"

"Not at all, dear. We've got a bit before Burt leaves us." Clara said smiling.

Draco grabbed his mother and aunt by the arms and dragged them partially into the alley.

"Ok, this Bert character sounds like our best bet." Draco whispered. "At the very least we can get directions."

Narcissa looked at her son questioningly. "What do you mean, 'at the very least'?"

"Well," he said as he glanced at Bella, "If we can get Bella to… you know… flirt, perhaps we can get on for free. We used to get Pansy to do it with the new driver of the knight bus."

Narcissa's head whipped around and glared at him, lips tight.

"In what reality do you think it is acceptable to treat a woman, or girl for that matter, in such a fashion?" She reprimanded.

"Mum, you don't understand... She wanted to do it!" He defended. "She's a sort of a… whore."

Narcissa's jaw dropped. "Have you…? "

Draco stuttered.

"N...N...No, mum...I don't like her like that..."

"Both of you, shut up." Bella said, cutting off the argument. "I'll do it. You two love birds can talk about this later. Let's leave, before they leave us."

Bella walked back leaving them both speechless.

Narcissa and Draco quickly caught up, and the two beautiful witches and one blonde wizard had quickly became a group of confused muggle tourists.

They arrived at the bus, just like Clara promised, and the big doors opened.

"Oy!" Bert called, grinning happily. "I see you two picked up some strays!"

"Sure did, Bert!" Morty said. "They helped us find our way back here. Problem is... they're lost themselves. Wonder if you couldn't help them find where they need to go."

"Well sure I can." He grinned. "Where are you three trying to go?"

Bella moved forward slowly, smiling seductively.

"The Nags Head, Bert." She began climbing the steps, deliberately. "We need to go to the Nags Head."

"Not a very nice place to be in with the looks of you three, But it's actually close to the end of today's tour of London." He said thoughtfully. "Tell you what...We've got a few extra seats in here. You three can ride till the end if you want a tour."

Bella froze mid stair, not quite sure what to do when she heard Clara speak.

"Oh that would be wonderful! It would be lovely to travel through Paris with you three!

Morty looked at his wife and whispered.

"London, Clara...London."

Draco just shook his head, grabbed his mum, and headed up the stairs, pushing Bella further into the bus.

"Oh Good!" Clara said happily grabbing Morty and following.

Bella turned the corner and stopped abruptly. About fifty, age sixty-five and up passengers smiled at them expectedly.

"Well isn't this just a bus load of old." Bellatrix said aloud as they all moved forward to find their seats.

A/N

I know I said I would wait till the end to put up an author's note. I lied. Sue me. I am so happy you all like this so far. Thank you to those who have had the balls to review. BeautifulDisaster, Redejeka, NicoleKidmanFan, Toaneo07, and last but certainly not least, The Milf. If it wasn't for her, none of this would have come to fruition. Keep reading and reviewing, my friends.


	3. Movie Time

**Chapter 3**

**Movie Time**

As Morty and Clara bustled past the three, they began barking orders to a few other passengers on seating arrangements. People shifted and swapped, and a few 'you sit here', and 'you sit there's' were handed out, Draco, Narcissa and Bellatrix had found their seats.

It turned out, that Morty and Clara split up to sit with Narcissa and Bellatrix. The only seat left for Draco was next to a doting elderly woman named Pearl. He looked down at her and she smiled up at him patting the seat next to her.

"Sit next to old Pearl, sweet thing. I'm sure we can find something to occupy our time." She smiled and Draco raised his eyebrows and looked over at his mother and aunt for help.

Narcissa was engaged in a seemingly jovial conversation with Morty and Bella was enraptured with something that Clara was showing her.

Draco looked back down at Pearl, still smiling. He took a deep breath and sat as far away as the small seat would allow.

"There dear, that's not so bad is it?" Pearl said as she squeezed his cheek. Draco looked back at Pearl and gave his best Slytherin smile all the while working out in his head, how best to kill his aunt.

The bus was a hum of many different intermingling conversations. Some were about London, some were about Europe during "the war", and others were going on about the new passengers. To Draco's utter horror, Pearl wanted to talk about her tender nipples.

"You see, dear heart, when I had that colonoscopy and then passed my gas...Oh you should have been there! The whole recovery room was just breakin' all kinds of wind! I didn't feel so bad when I finally let it out. The whole thing was like a damned stinky symphony. Anyhoo... after I went home and made dinner, I noticed my nipples were tender. Now I'm not saying that it had to do with that procedure, but it just seems a might odd to me. What do you think, darlin'?"

Draco Malfoy, the heir of the Malfoy line, had no words. Appalled, horrified, mortified and every other 'sink into your seat and die', feeling came to the surface, but no words. Thankfully, Pearl continued on without needing an answer. Draco did his best to drown the old woman out, and continued to work up feasible scenarios in which his Aunt Bella met a gruesome, devastating end.

When Draco finally had the fake nods, "huh's" and "well isn't that just crazy's", down to a science, he was blindsided by a large, blunt object which slammed into him and forced him up against Pearl.

He whirled around and there was Bellatrix shoved next to him, smiling insanely, the third person, now in a two person seat.

"Bella, what the fu..."

"No, no, no." Bellatrix scolded as she tapped him on the chest and nodded toward Pearl. "You _must_ have respect for your elders, Draco."

"What in the bloody hell are you doing?!" Draco hissed, trying to push back into her all the while attempting to smack away Pearl's groping hands.

"I made something! Wanna see?" Bellatrix said as she shoved a small knitted item in his face.

Draco leaned his face back and grabbed the item from his aunt.

"Fantastic." He said. "What is it?"

Bellatrix snatched it back.

"It's a Christmas ornament angel." She said, proudly examining it. "Clara taught me the knitting. It's quite an accomplishment, she says."

Draco seized the ornament.

"Have you gone completely insane?" Draco said as he inspected it. "Besides, it looks like another skull with a snake through it."

Bella huffed and snatched it back.

"It's an angel you little sh...!"

"No, no, no...You _must_ have respect for your elders, Bella." He poked at her chest and nodded toward Pearl.

Bellatrix rolled her eyes at Draco, then looked over to her sister.

"Cissy!" Bella called.

Bellatrix got no response.

"Cissy!" She yelled again.

It was apparent that Narcissa was in ignore mode. Bella called out one more time.

"Oy, whore!" Bella yelled and Narcissa spun so quickly she might have gotten whiplash. She glared as she held up her index finger at her sister. Narcissa then turned back and politely disengaged her conversation with Morty. She shifted back toward Bellatrix and spoke.

"_What_… do you want?" She asked, aggravated.

"Look what I made." Bella said as she brandished the ornament.

"Another skull and snake, Bella? Really?" Narcissa said as she began to dismiss her sister.

"It's a bloody Christmas ornament!" Bella yelled as she stood quickly and huffed back to sit with Clara.

Draco quickly scooted away from Pearl. He desperately needed to keep his mum talking so Pearl wouldn't start drabbling on.

"Mum!" He called over the din of conversation, getting her attention.

Narcissa turned toward him. Draco's face took on his best 'help me' look. The passengers on the bus seemed to get louder.

"Yes, darling." She said as she smiled. Draco barely heard her but understood the acknowledgment.

He slyly nodded back toward Pearl, trying desperately to send the, 'save me now' signal, simply with his eyes. "What are you two going on about?" He asked his mother and Morty.

"What did you say, dear?" Narcissa moved hand to ear as the decibel level seemed to go up yet again.

"I said," Draco practically yelled this time, "What are you two going on about?"

"Oh." Narcissa called. "Morty was just telling me about his favorite actresses on the silver screen?"

He realized his mother had no idea.

"The movies." Draco cupped his hand around his mouth to be heard. "We learned about those. What actresses?" He asked, feigning interest.

Narcissa glanced upward as if collecting a thought.

"He's gone on about a great many, but the one he keeps talking about is Marlene Dietrich." She yelled.

Pearl took that very moment, to grab Draco's crotch.

"Merlin's cock!" Draco screamed and jumped up. "Who is Marlene Dietrich!?"

Suddenly, all the passengers on the bus, save one, ceased all chatter.

"...and that is why I am never allowed to own a monkey." Bella told Clara quite loudly.

"Who is Marlene Dietrich?!" Morty looked dumbfounded. "That's it!" He said as he slapped his hands down on the seat in front of him. "Bert, my good man! Would you kindly make your way to the nearest theatre playing a Dietrich film?"

Bert's face looked up to the mirror that reflected the passengers.

"Well we have a scheduled stop at the Huntarian museum, but if I can get a majority vote, there's a theatre about three blocks from here what only plays Dietrich films."

The whole bus erupted in excited voices.

Morty stood up and turned toward the rest of the bus.

"Alright, alright...everyone just keep your drawers on! All in favor of seeing Ms. Dietrich on the big screen, say aye."

The resounding "aye", that echoed through the bus was enough to convince everyone.

"Well Bert, there ya go. The movies it is." Morty said happily.

Bert looked once again into his mirror at Morty and Draco who were still standing.

"You two better sit down. We'll be there shortly." He said smiling.

Draco looked helplessly at Bert, while Morty glanced over at Pearl smiling hungrily up at Draco.

"Hey, boy." Morty called. "Why don't you trade me places. Come over here and sit next to your mother."

The relief on Draco's face could have been seen a mile away. As they scooted past each other in the aisle way, Morty whispered in Draco's ear.

"Bit like a wolf in a prune suit, isn't she." He grinned and Draco laughed and took his new seat.

Bert made a few turns and soon pulled up in front of a large brick building. The marque was old, but well kept. On either side of the ticket box, there were entrances. Posters of the same woman hung all over the walls.

The group waited in line to get their tickets when Draco spoke up.

"Er...Morty?"

"Yes, my boy?" Morty answered.

"I... I mean, we... don't have any money. We uh...we..."

"Left it at Gringotts?" Morty finished.

"Yes...We left it...What?!" Draco exclaimed.

Morty laughed. Narcissa turned her head slowly toward Morty, Clara glared at her husband, and Bella stopped dead in her tracks.

"Don't worry, my boy, Clara and I have been saving for this trip a mighty long time." Morty said.

"Mortimer Humphrey Helman." Clara scolded. "I thought we agreed not to say anything."

"_You_ agreed woman, I did not." Morty said with an impish grin.

Clara rolled her eyes and shook her head and Narcissa found her voice.

"How...How do you know?" Narcissa asked, shocked.

Morty Looked at Narcissa and smiled.

"You gave yourselves away when you used the word, 'muggle'."

"Yes, but..._How_ do you know?" Narcissa pursued.

Clara moved over to Morty and faced the three.

"Our firstborn son, years ago, received his letter to Hogwarts." Clara explained.

"Mum!" Draco turned. "Maybe we can get back without Fletcher's help!"

Narcissa looked at Morty and Clara hopefully.

"Can you contact your son and help us get into Diagon Alley? We've had a spell go wrong, and we've temporarily lost our magic."

Morty looked at Clara and took a deep breath.

"I wish we could." Morty admitted. "But our son was killed sixteen years ago. There was a war and... Well, I'm sure you all know about that."

Narcissa and Draco paled and looked at Bella. Bella had a strange look on her face.

"What was his name?" She asked quietly.

Clara looked at her and smiled wistfully.

"Edward. Edward Helman. His friends called him Eddie. He was a good man, and an even better wizard."

Bellatrix looked away with a furrowed brow.

"Did you know him, dear?" Clara asked.

There was a moment of silence. Narcissa and Draco glanced over at Bellatrix, waiting for a reply. She looked back at Morty and Clara with a forced smile.

"Briefly," was all she said before they all finally reached the ticket booth.

The girl in the ticket booth spoke up through the hole in the glass.

"How many?" She asked the party.

Morty stepped forward.

"Two muggles, two witches and one wizard, my good lady." Morty said with a grin, lightening the mood. Draco snorted.

"Excuse me, sir?" The girl asked.

"Five adults to see, 'The Devil Is a Woman'." He corrected, laughing at his own joke.

The ticket lady printed the tickets and Morty paid. He divvied out the tickets to everyone and turned to Draco.

"Come on, boy, it's time you laid eyes on pure unadulterated sex appeal." Morty said as he gently ushered Draco into the lobby. "Now let's see about some of that poppin' corn."

Bellatrix moved to follow them in when Narcissa caught her arm.

"What?" Bellatrix snipped.

Narcissa waited for Clara to follow Draco and Morty in, and then looked at her sister.

"Did you?" Narcissa asked somberly.

Bella's gaze drifted to the old couple and took a deep breath.

"Does it matter?" She asked.

"No...I suppose it doesn't." Narcissa answered quietly.

After their exchange, the two sisters walked into the lobby. Morty was standing in line at the concession next to Clara, and Draco was perusing the posters of Marlene Dietrich on the walls. Bellatrix walked over to a bench next to the theatre entrance and sat down. Narcissa walked over to her son.

Draco stood looking at a particular picture of the actress, wearing men's clothes and posing for the camera.

"She's beautiful, mum." He said simply.

"You think so, Dragon?" His mother asked.

"I do... don't you?" He inquired, looking back at his mother.

Narcissa paused, examining the picture.

"Yes, I suppose she is quite glamorous. Do... do you find older women attractive?" She asked subtly, looking for an answer in his eyes.

Draco blushed and quickly looked back at the poster.

"Yes, I believe I do." He said, voice cracking.

Draco cleared his throat. Morty and Clara walked toward them and each had a huge bucket of popcorn and a soda.

"Are we ready? We got enough for everyone." Morty said.

"Where's Bella?" Clara said looking around.

"Over there, sitting down." Draco said, nodding his head in her direction.

"Wonderful then, let's go." Morty said as he ushered the small group toward Bella and the theatre entrance.

As they walked, Narcissa turned to Morty.

"I assure you, if you can help us today, I will personally see that you are compensated."

"Never a worry." Morty smiled. "Whatever you three need, we'll find a way to make happen."

"Thank you." Narcissa said as they approached Bellatrix and the theatre entrance. "You and your wife are...good people."

Bella stood, and the quintet moved into the darkened theatre to find their seats. When they had found five empty seats, and shared some popcorn, the house lights darkened and the film began.

"This is enormous!" Bella exclaimed loudly and was promptly shushed by several people.

Clara leaned over to Bella and whispered.

"I know, dear! Isn't it fabulous?"

Bella sat back with wide eyes and watched the events unfold on the screen.

Narcissa was seated in between Draco and Morty. Morty leaned over and whispered to Narcissa.

"I think your son is smitten."

Narcissa glanced over at Draco. With raised eyebrows, she watched him watching the on screen bombshell. His mouth was hanging open and she wasn't sure, but she thought he might not be breathing.

"Close your mouth, Draco. People will begin to think you a bit touched." She quietly scolded.

Draco glanced over and shut his mouth. The group then watched the rest of the film without interruption. When it was over, everyone filed out of the theatre.

Narcissa stopped in the lobby once more to look at the poster. Morty and Clara walked over.

"Well the boy is sold, that's for sure." Morty said to Narcissa. "How bout you? Fancy some trousers and a tie?"

Narcissa turned toward the two, smiling.

"Yes. I think a change in wardrobe is in order. How can we make that happen?"

"Well," Morty thought out loud. "I don't really want to be on that bus anymore with all those old folk. Maybe we could go it alone today. Just the five of us. Whadya think, Clara? Think we can have an adventure?"

"I think it's high time we had one. Let's go shopping." Clara grinned, grabbing Narcissa's arm. "We'll ask the ticket girl where we can go and dress you up like Marlene Dietrich."

As the three filed out of the lobby, Draco and Bellatrix waited outside. Clara went to speak to the ticket girl.

"So where are we going now?" Draco asked.

"We're going shopping!" Narcissa beamed. "We are finally back on track."

"Merlin's bullocks," was all Draco had to say.

A/N

Thanks again for the reviews. I really do love them. I like to know that I am indeed funny, and it's not all in my head. The colonoscopy story came from my mother, and always made me laugh. Though 'Pearl' is an old lady directly from the depths of my unhinged mind.


	4. Bella Feels Feelings

**Chapter 4**

**Bella Feels Feelings**

It just so happened that the clothing shop in question was only two blocks away from the theatre. The group made their way, chatting about the movie and other amicable topics. Bella made small talk, but was uncharacteristically quieter than usual. Clara caught up with her and inquired.

"Didn't you like the picture, dear?" She asked.

Bellatrix glanced over. The expression on her visage could only be described as pained.

"It's not that. It was a wonderful flim."

"Film, Auntie, film." Draco called.

Bella glanced back at her nephew with a smile that didn't quite reach her eyes.

"It was a wonderful...film." She said, looking back to Clara.

"Well what's wrong, dear? You've been positively sullen ever since the theatre."

"It's just that... well... when you spoke of your son, I remembered..."

"…What fond memories we had when we were young." Narcissa finished, grabbing her sister by the arm and dragging her behind the group. "What are you playing at, Bella?" Narcissa spoke low. "You pick now to grow a conscience?"

Bellatrix took a breath and looked at her sister.

"I don't know Cissy. I honestly don't know."

"Well you need to sort it, and quickly. What's done is done." Narcissa reminded.

"Here we are, then." Morty called. "This looks to be the place."

The five of them stopped in front of a store front. In the window were a number of mannequins wearing all sorts of vintage clothes. Narcissa and Clara immediately made to go inside. Morty looked thoughtful.

"Seems there's a bar across the way. Mind if I go in and have a cold one while I wait till the rest of you are done, dear?"

As if in a trance, Clara called back.

"That's fine, Morty."

Narcissa paused and looked behind her. Draco had a tortured look on his face, and Bellatrix still looked slightly lost.

"Morty, why don't you take Draco and Bella with you. I'm sure your wife and I can handle ourselves." Narcissa smiled.

"Thank the gods." Draco said grabbing his aunt and stepping into the street.

The sound of screeching brakes and honking horns filled the air when Morty snatched them both back.

"Seems those two can handle themselves...I'm just wondering now about us three." Morty laughed.

When the street was clear, Morty, Bella and Draco crossed without incident and entered the pub.

The lights were low, and the patrons sat at various tables, eating, drinking and socializing. A jukebox played in the corner, not too loud but up enough for enjoyment.

"Shall we?" Morty said as he motioned toward the bar.

"I could go for some chips." Draco stated.

"Come have a drink with an old man." Morty offered Bella a seat.

The three sat down, and the barman came up.

"What can I get you?" He asked.

"Two pints of something decent, and a basket of chips for the boy."

The barman turned away to procure their orders and Morty turned to Bella.

"So," Morty said, "Care to tell me what's bothering you?"

Their beer came, and Bella took a deep drink.

"It's nothing really... Nothing I can't get over...past." She took another long gulp.

"Well, have it your way, then." Morty smiled.

At that moment, one of the patrons approached the bar.

"Oy, Stan!" He called. "Can you turn this up?" Referring to the music playing.

"Sure thing, Lenny." Stan said as he cranked the dial behind the bar.

_Islands in the stream_

_That is what we are_

_No one in between_

_How can we be wrong_

_Sail away with me_

_To another world_

_And we rely on each other, ah-ha_

_From one lover to another, ah-ha_

"What the devil is this, then?!" Bella asked eyes wide.

Morty looked back at the jukebox.

"Just a song from the 1980's" He said.

"It's awful! Are my ears bleeding?!" Bella practically screamed and clutched her pint with both hands.

Draco looked at his aunt in wonder, mouth full of chips. It was if something in her head snapped. She let go of the pint, covered her ears and began rocking back and forth. Morty leaned forward and looked at Draco in question. Draco could only raise his hands and shake his head in wonder.

_I can't live without you_

_If the love was gone_

_Everything is nothing_

_If you got no one_

_And you did walk in the night_

_Slowly losing sight of the real thing_

Bella slowly stood as if in a trance, and walked over to the jukebox. Draco and Morty looked on in wonder. Without warning, Bella lifted her booted foot and slammed it into the front causing sparks to fly and glass to shatter and the record to skip.

_Islands in the stream..._

_Islands in the stream..._

_Islands in the stream..._

_Islands in the stream..._

"Make it stop!" She screamed.

"Fuck, Bella!" Draco yelled, standing quickly and rushing toward the jukebox. "Have you gone mental?!"

Just then, Stan the bartender picked up the telephone to call the police.

"I don't get paid enough to deal with this shite." He said before dialing.

Morty stood, downed his pint and made for the other two.

"Come on, we've got to go... Now!" Morty said, dragging Bella and Draco out the door. The skipping record could be heard into the street.

As they exited, Clara and Narcissa were entering the pub and they all collided.

"What in the devil is this all about, then?" Narcissa asked picking up her new fedora.

"Bella's gone and destroyed things! They've called the muggle law!" Draco yelled. "We have to go!"

The group took off running down the sidewalk, sirens screaming in the distance.


	5. Just Say No

**Chapter 5**

**Just Say No**

Sidewalks and alleyways blended into one another as the group made their escape. Breaths came ragged as shouts of 'THIS WAY!' and, 'NO...THIS WAY!', were commonplace. Finally, they found themselves in an area of the city filled with drunken college students. Neon lights illuminated darkened windows, and thumpy music could be heard coming from nearly everywhere. There was a long line in front of one of the entrances, and Narcissa's quick thinking put them in it. They did their best to blend as the police cars raced passed.

"We should probably go in and wait for this to blow over." Clara offered. "What happened back there, anyway?"

"My Aunt decided to have a complete mental slip." Draco said, looking at Bellatrix.

Bella looked at the group.

"I don't like feelings." She said offhandedly. "They're stupid."

The line kept moving forward and Draco could finally take a moment to look at his mother's new outfit.

"Yes son?" She asked, catching him looking out of the corner of her eye.

"You look stunning, mother." He replied, quietly.

Narcissa smiled. "Thank you, darling."

Finally, the group made it to the entrance where a beefy security guard with arms the size of tree trunks waited to take their money and check them for weapons. The group decided it should go, Bellatrix, Clara, Draco, Narcissa and Morty last. Morty had handed out the money and Bella was first up. The guard used the metal detector.

"What the bloody hell is that, then?" She asked as it continually beeped at her breasts.

"I'm going to have to ask you to remove whatever is in your dress, Ma'am." He said, gruffly.

Clara nudged Bellatrix in the back. Bellatrix blew a raspberry in sudden defeat.

"Fine." She reached down her cleavage and extruded a short dagger. "Musta forgotten it was in there." She held it out to the guard and he took it. "If you let anything happen to that, it might just be the last thing you do in this world" Bellatrix said as she walked past him and tucked the entrance fee in his pants.

Clara was next up and the stunned security guard waved the metal detector haphazardly around her. He held out his hand and she laid the money in his in it. Draco was next, and everything was going smoothly until the guard asked for Draco's I.D. Narcissa immediately jumped next to him, and took his arm. Morty was quick to follow her lead.

"Sir," She smiled her best, sweetest, Slytherin smile, "This is my son. He and I are on holiday and would dearly love to spend the evening in your lovely club."

Morty didn't miss a beat.

"We will completely make it worth your while." He said as he pulled out a spread of cash.

The security guard snatched up the money and ushered the rest of them in. Narcissa looked back to Morty and smiled.

"You certainly think like a Malfoy, darling." She said with conviction.

"Well," Morty said, "Judging by the look on your face, I'll take that as a compliment."

They entered the first door and were immediately stopped by a woman at a cart selling beer.

Morty jumped forward.

"Since we're here, no sense in not having a good time! We'll have five of whatever the best one is."

Morty gave up the cash and the woman popped open each of the bottles and handed them out. Clara leaned up to Morty.

"You know I hate beer."

"I know. Just give me that one and I'll get you a frou-frou drink complete with umbrella, at the bar." He grinned.

Clara's eyes narrowed. "You did that on purpose."

"Course I did. Didn't want to come off like a complete souse to the young lady, though." Morty said, snatching the bottle out of Clara's hand.

Clara playfully slapped Morty on the arm.

As the group made their way into the main bar area, the music, with driving off beats and in your chest bass, laid waste to the memories of the pub and police. Fog machines pumped out a world of indiscriminate dance floor deviance. The lasers and colored lights played fantasy and reality against each other in an attempt to blur the lines of life. Draco was in love.

"What is this?!" He asked in wonder.

He stared into the fog at the half naked men and women moving to the tantric beats. He was shaken out of his trance by Morty, back from the bar.

"Here boy, I bought these off the barkeep. It's called Ecstasy." Morty placed a round, blue pill with a fat man etched on the front into Draco's hand. "Take it. Your aunt and mother need one too."

Draco looked at it and popped it in his mouth, drinking his beer to wash it down. Clara had already taken hers at the bar. Draco looked at his mother who followed suit.

"Where's Bella?" Draco yelled over the music.

Narcissa, Morty and Clara looked around. Bellatrix Lestrange was off gallivanting in a sea of muggles.

"Oh sweet goddess." Narcissa exclaimed.

"Nonsense." Morty waved. "We're gonna be here awhile, I'd say. Let her roam." Morty looked down at the two pills left in his hand. "Guess that means this is all up to me." He said as he promptly popped them in his mouth then downed his first beer.

"Morty," Clara said in awe, "I think they're working! The lights are quite lovely! Would you hug me?"

"Of course, my dear. Let's go find a nice place on the corner couch over there." He said, directing her with his hand.

Draco was left next to the dance floor standing next to his mother, looking out into the writhing ocean and fog. He couldn't much think, what with the brutal, driving force thumping into his very soul. He looked at his mother. Looked at her ivory perfection against the black suit. Fedora cocked low and to the right. All she was missing was a big smoking cock in her mouth. Draco shuddered. Had he really thought about his mother like that?

"Oh gods," he groaned...The pills had kicked in.

He faced her then, slick sheen of sweat already forming on his brow. Draco held out his hand to his gorgeous mother. She turned toward him.

"Dance with me." It was more a command than a request.

Narcissa looked down at her son's outstretched arm.

"I hardly think..." She began.

"...Dance with me." He cut her off and grabbed her hand, pulling her onto the floor. He led her snaking through the chaos to a spot in the corner, close to one of the fog machines. Draco turned and started moving, with liquid grace, to the beat. Narcissa's heart jumped into her throat as she looked on at her son. At that moment, he had become a sweet, young god who danced just for her, and she wanted to touch him. This was indeed, ecstasy.

He held his hand out once again, and Narcissa did not need encouragement this time. She took it and began to move with him. Bodies together, she glanced at his shirted chest. Sweat soaked, she needed it gone. Narcissa reached her hands up and deftly began undoing the buttons that kept her young god's marble skin from her. They were both barely moving now, content in their collective essence.

Narcissa lightly raked her nails down Draco's chest and she felt him shudder. What was she doing? This was her son, her beloved, and all she wanted to do was taste and smell and touch... and fuck. Almost desperately, she wanted to fuck.

Draco's shirt flapped open as the large fans kicked on. The fog poured out, and the rest of the world literally faded away. He held her close, put finger to chin and locked eyes. She was cool beauty in a cool world. She was a hot shadow in his soul. She was rain and fire and noble grace. Draco hadn't realized he was kissing her until he felt her whimper. He breathed her in before stealing his lips away. Draco bent down and whispered in her ear.

"Will you trust me, mother?" His breath caught the wisps of hair hanging from her fedora. Just a tickle to her core and she had her answer. Narcissa reached up and caressed his face.

They came together once again, only this time, feral and needing. They were fire and earth...They had become the breath of life and the sweet cooling breeze. The beats drove the energy which in turn paved the way to heaven...to Eden... to the Elysian fields or Valhalla...It didn't matter anymore.. They had moved to a place where moral obligation and blood did not exist. A place beyond the stars. Beyond the movement. Beyond breath and life. A place beyond the fog and beyond the music.

He had found a place behind a giant speaker and bent her over.. He couldn't stop now if he'd wanted. Not that she'd let him. Narcissa had passed the point of no return. The drugs, flowing freely through her system had her on the edge of something unknowable and unnamed.

Draco pulled her trousers down and bent over her.

"Do you want this, Narcissa?" He asked as he pulled his cock free.

His mother backed up to his hardness and groaned.

She was soaked and ready and the boy/god lunged. His matron screamed and rutted into him. They fucked and fucked as animals are wont to do. Deeper and in; Softer and out. They rutted and writhed in driving beats...in sweat and song...depraved and dying...living and giving in the dream they had found in this sweet fantasy world.

The boy/god rutted and grunted and the mother came hard, screaming into his arm as it curled around her. He heard her lust and felt her cunt grip him. He couldn't help it and came inside her. His original sin. His first fuck. His mother, his love.

He laid on her spent, for only a moment, when he realized where he was. Trying his best to gently pull out, he garnered a groan from his mother.

"We should probably dress." He called down as he helped her stand.

Narcissa pulled up her trousers.

"How long have we been gone?" She asked, avoiding her son's eyes.

Draco looked through the fog. "Bella's still out there somewhere.

He looked at his mother, and Narcissa looked back at him.

"Mother, I..." He began.

"We'll talk about this later. Now...we need to find your estranged aunt." This time it was Narcissa who grabbed her son's arm and took off through the dancing bodies.

Off the dance floor and around the stage they came to a stairwell. Just a few were going down and none were going up. The duo entered and the music level diminished considerably. Halfway up the first flight, Draco grabbed his mother's arm.

"Mother, wait..." He said as he stopped them both.

Narcissa turned and looked down to him.

"It was the drug." She said simply.

"But I still want you." He answered.

"Then it's still the drug." She retorted.

"What about tomorrow, then? What if I still want you tomorrow? What if I wanted you yesterday?" He posed.

Narcissa took a deep breath and a step down, to look into Draco's eyes.

"Dragon... What we did... What happened between us..." She began.

"Is written in history all over our family tree." Draco finished.

Narcissa hesitated and took a futile breath.

"We have to find your aunt." She said, redirecting.

"Fine, but this isn't over." He said as he pulled in front of her and took her hands up the stairs.

At the top of the stairs, the duo came to two double doors and pushed through. The scene they stumbled into was quite different from the offbeat orgy they came from. This was a completely different animal altogether. This was music and sweat, written in a different key. This was guitar electrified and raw. This was rhythm angry and crowd starving and wanting. Draco stepped back. Not to avoid the rabid sound, but to understand it. A poster plastered on the wall read, "The White Stripes". He stopped for a moment as the song ended and the drummer began rocking out a cadence on his bass. The crowd began clapping and stomping to the beat.

Draco looked at his mother. Narcissa did not have the same, "this is amazing look", on her face.

Narcissa screamed over the din.

"YOU LOOK FOR YOUR AUNT! I CAN'T THINK WITH THIS! I'LL BE DOWNSTAIRS WITH CLARA AND MORTY."

Draco, as if in a trance shook his head slowly in acknowledgment. Narcissa headed back toward the door. After his mother had gone, he slowly turned and headed into the throng of people jumping in front of the stage. The lead singer was doing amazing things with his guitar. Things that ought not to be done in a civilized society. Draco loved it. All his rage, all his angst, all his lust and beliefs all playing havoc in one room. It was too much and not enough and he couldn't stop moving and jumping and sweating. Still… one thing seemed to find its way through his subconscious to the forefront of his mind.

'Bella is still out there somewhere'. That, in and of itself was a terrifying thought. He heaved a deep breath, sighed a great sigh, and then turned to find the restroom before undertaking the sad duty of finding his bat shit crazy kin in a sea of infidelity and cutters.

Draco pushed through the crowd. He figured that the loos were on the far side, and he was right. He pushed open the men's, on a mission. As he came through the door, he was hit with a cackling laugh, what could only be his deranged aunt.

"Bella?!" He called out.

The stall door that hid the voice within kicked out with an unmistakable booted foot.

"Draco, love! Where have you been?!" Bellatrix bellowed as she stuck her head out the door.

"What the bloody fuck are you doing?!" Draco seethed, approaching her rather quickly. "You disappeared! We looked everywhere!"

Bellatrix, hanging on to the door careened toward him and inhaled deeply.

"You smell like your mother." She said, simply.

Draco physically pushed her back, swinging the door in. That's when he noticed two women and one bloke behind her in the stall.

"OY, MATE! Watch yourself!" The guy yelled.

"What the hell are you doing?!" Draco practically screeched.

"Bath Salts." Bella stated.

"What?!...Bath...What?!" Draco's veins were poking out his forehead.

"It's a drug. Get in here." Bella said, looking around and grabbing his arm. She pulled him in and managed to shut and lock the door in one fell swoop.

Draco had no choice but to be sucked in for the time being.

The bloke was straddled backward on the toilet seat separating a white powder into four distinct lines. He looked back when Draco came in, took a deep, irritated breath, looked back to his work and split everything into fiver.

Draco caught on and spoke.

"Er…. No… I...don't need that." He stuttered.

Bella didn't miss a beat.

"Just move his to mine." She motioned with a finger.

Before Draco could really assess what was happening, the bloke handed Bella a straw, she bent down and proceeded to inhale the line on the back of the toilet.

"Merlin's big brown turd that burnt!" She screamed, holding her nose.

Draco spun her around, issuing forth complaints from the others that were taking their turns.

"What the fuck are you thinking?!" Draco lectured loudly.

Bella, holding her head toward the ceiling, uncovered her nose and asked.

"Am I bleeding?"

"No Bella, you're not bleeding." He offered as calmly as possible. "You are missing, however."

"Well we've been "missing" all day. We all know where we need to end up. Does it matter how we get there?" Bella retorted.

Draco started with a comeback. He realized though, he didn't have one.

"I mean, logic states that the only course of action left for a group of people that've been split up is to do what they individually want, as long as they all end up at the correct place at the designated time, right?"

Draco was stumped.

"Well, yes… I suppose."

"Then in that case, wouldn't it be fair to assume that even though we might cause the rest of our party worry, we will eventually end up where we need to be, when we need to be there?" Bellatrix stated uncharacteristically.

"I mean...yes, I guess." He said.

"Ok then, let's have fun." She said as she handed the straw to the man. The others snorted the rest of the bath salts.

After Bella delivered her unexpected rhetoric, one of the two women turned toward her brandishing a smartphone.

"Oh my God! Look at this Bella!" She screamed, holding the picture up. It was a picture of a kitten walking on a tightrope.

"Now that is really adorable." Bella said as she gazed lovingly at the photo.

"Bloody hell, Bella, you hate kittens! What's wrong with you?!" Draco asked, eyes wide.

Before Bella could answer, the young man sitting on the toilet got up quickly, forcing everyone closer to the closed door. With a crazed look, he lunged toward the woman with the mobile.

"Your face is chocolate!" He bawled, then proceeded to tear the flesh off her face with his teeth. Blood splattered against the wall as she screamed. The scuffle continued as the second woman tried to pull him off.

"Jesus, Billy! Not again!" She screamed.

Draco grabbed his aunt, managed to push the rest of the demented people back and open the door. Just then, Narcissa came blundering in the lounge area.

"There you two are! What…" She began and then laid her eyes on the ensuing bloodbath. "Bella, what have you done?!"

Draco grabbed both of them and made for the exit.

"It wasn't me this time!" Bella defended.

"We have to go!" Draco said, practically dragging them both out of the loo. "Where are Morty and Clara?!"

"Downstairs." Narcissa answered. "Will one of you tell me what that was all about?"

"Later, Mum. We have to go." Draco said, pulling them through the crowd of people toward the stairs.

As they descended and made their way out into the club, they paused for a moment to try and find the other two. All three scanned the dance floor, when Bellatrix shouted.

"There!" She said pointing toward a dais in the middle of the throng of dancers.

Draco and Narcissa followed her line of sight and witnessed Morty, shirtless, hairy and dancing, brandishing a pair of blue and green glow sticks. Draco surged forward and the other two followed.

"MORTY!" Draco yelled to garner his attention.

Morty looked down with a grin that could split his face.

"Draco, my boy! This ecstasy is wonderful!"

"We have to go!" Draco yelled. "We have trouble!"

Morty stopped his rhythmic interpretation and a look of concern spread across his features. Just then a pair of hands slid around him from behind and buried themselves in the fur that seemed to cover his chest. Draco couldn't help but look disgusted for a moment. The hands disappeared and Clara popped around Morty grinning.

"Howdy, friends!" She called, then looked over at Bella. "Can I feel your hair?"

"No time!" Draco yelled up. "Besides, you'd probably get bitten. There are things living in there."

"Come on, Clara." Morty said, stepping down and holding out his hand. "They say there's trouble, there must be trouble. Now what did I do with my shirt?"

Clara looked around and nodded toward a tall woman dancing.

"You gave it to that drag queen to use as a headwrap, remember sweetheart?"

"Yes, yes of course!" He said as he maneuvered through the sea of bodies.

A few minutes later he was back, shirt draped over his shoulder.

"Shall we go?"

The group turned and headed toward the exit. In the lobby, Narcissa was stopped by a blonde young man.

"I lost you, beautiful. Where did you go?"

Draco raised a brow and cocked his head. Narcissa choked, looked back at her son, then to his blonde doppelganger.

"I'm sorry, Ricky…" She started.

"It's Mickey." He corrected.

"...Mickey. We have to go." She finished awkwardly.

"That's too bad, love." He said dejectedly. "I got what you wanted, though." He pulled out what appeared to be a rolled cigarette from his shirt pocket.

Narcissa moved to take it, when Mickey pulled it back.

"One more kiss?" He asked.

Narcissa looked back at Draco who rolled his eyes and shook his head. She turned and slowly, seductively laid her lips on his. The young man closed his eyes, Bellatrix huffed and snatched the joint out of his paralyzed fingers.

"We have to go!" Draco said, pulling his mother away. "Now!"

As the group walked out the door, Narcissa looked back and winked at the poor, smitten creature, and Bella snatched her dagger back from the bewildered doorman.

As they hurried down the sidewalk, the din from the club diminished into silence. They all ducked in an alley away from the hustle and bustle of the main street.

"What was that all about?" Draco whispered a little too loudly.

"Oh that was just your mother there, having a mighty fine time." Morty smiled.

Narcissa looked from Morty back to Draco.

"I couldn't find you." Narcissa began. "Then… I saw him and thought…" She stopped.

"Thought what, mother?" Draco pursued.

Narcissa paused for just a moment.

"...thought he might know where you were." She finished.

"Uh-huh." Draco said as he sarcastically nodded his head.

"Anybody got a lighter?" Bella asked holding up the joint.

Clara fished around in her purse.

"Of course I do, Bella dear." She offered.

Bellatrix took the lighter and lit it, inhaling a lungful of smoke. Narcissa was still looking at Draco, silently pleading for him to please drop the subject when Bella made to pass the left handed cigarette to her. She tapped Narcissa on the shoulder.

"'Ere." She managed to squeak with a lungful of smoke.

Narcissa took it, puffed, then passed to Morty who held it for a moment while he spoke.

"So… I wonder how far we are from the Nag's Head?" He thought aloud while his back hair waved in the breeze. Morty took a long drag but still held on.

"Not sure, dear. Are you going to pass that?" Clara asked.

"Yes, of course." Morty chuckled handing it over.

Clara sucked in and the cherry turned a bright red. Draco wondered off to a small intersection in the alley.

"Do you want this, dear?" Clara called to Draco.

Draco looked back to the group and then his eyes fell on his mother. "No…apparently I've had enough mind altering drugs tonight. You all go ahead."

"Well I haven't." Bella stated. "Hand that over."

"Oy, you guys!" Draco called. "Look at this."

The group shuffled to the alley Draco looked down. The neon sign of a horse's head flickered brightly. "The Nag's Head" had been found.

"Good job, my boy!" Morty said as he clapped Draco on the back. "Shall we then?"

Draco looked back and laughed. "Not until you put your shirt on. You look like a geriatric gorilla."

A/N

So Draco discovers house music and the White Stripes. "As Rush Comes" Motorcycle (Gabriel and Dresden) mix for the downstairs 'scene'. As far as Draco's intro to the White Stripes, I had to go with "Seven Nation Army". I know… not my first choice either, but I needed catchy and driving. Besides, it's a good starter song for a wizard noob. Also, I am aware that ecstasy does not "kick in" that quickly. Um… I think I read that somewhere. Keep reviewing. I do love them so.


	6. Teamwork Pays Off

Chapter 6

Teamwork pays off

As the group approached the entrance, music could be heard from within. The door was propped open with a padded, unmanned barstool, and a small table with a full ashtray sat next to it. It was smokey inside as they walked through the door. The club itself was shotgun style, and directly to the left was the bar. Past the bar lay a wide variety of mismatched tables and chairs. Beyond that, a stage. Salt and peppered about the tables, were three platforms with barely clothed women dancing against steel poles. There were customers seated at the tables, as well as a few sitting around the platforms. There was a large banner at the back wall that read:

Dirty Bart Presents

MUD WRESTLING WITH BUSTY BETTY

Challengers Welcome

The barkeep called to the group.

"You here to wrestle?"

Narcissa's eye twitched.

"Not hardly. We're looking for a friend of ours. Mundungus Fletcher. Have you seen him?"

The bartender scratched at the stubble on his chin.

"Never heard of him. He come in here?"

Bella leaned into her sister and whispered.

Narcissa looked back at Bella.

"That's ridiculous!" Narcissa hissed. "I'm not asking that."

Bella poked her sister in the ribs and nodded her head to the bartender.

"Fine." She acquiesced. "How about Captain Bartholomew Sweetwater? Have you heard of him?"

"Ah! Dirty Bart!" The barkeep said as he flung a towel over his shoulder. "He's in the back trying to sort tonight's match. Part of Her Majesty's Royal Navy, that one."

"I'm sure he is." Narcissa remarked sardonically.

They all turned to look at the stage. Sure enough, next to a large, mud filled pit stood Fletcher.

"Oh thank the Goddess." Narcissa said as she waved thanks to the barkeep, and the group began making their way to the back.

As they approached, Mundungus was in a heated discussion with a midget.

"I don't give two moldy shits that they've cancelled! It was your job to find replacements from last week!" Fletcher seethed at the small man.

"Boss, everyone is scared of her! Soon as they see her they back out! We've run out of options, and there isn't enough liquor in the free world to get them to change their minds." The midget pleaded, hands thrown up.

Mundungus looked down at his pint sized cohort and glared.

"If you don't find someone in twenty minutes, I'll throw you in that pit myself."

"Ahem." Narcissa cleared her throat for attention.

Fletcher looked up and his eyes grew wide.

"Mrs. Milfoy...Malfoy!" He corrected quickly. He looked around in confusion. "What...brings you here?"

"Mr. Fletcher. We have found ourselves in dire straits. I must ask you to contact my husband. We need his help." Narcissa demanded politely.

"What's happened?" He asked curiously.

Bellatrix piped up. "We've lost our magic."

Narcissa stepped purposefully on her foot and garnered a loud, "Ouch!"

Mundungus paused.

"Lost your magic?" He asked. "Bella, did you…"

"Yes I did. Now shut up."

Mundungus laughed. After he was finished he took a deep breath and looked back at the stage.

"Tell you what… I'll help you if you help me." He bargained. "I need someone to wrestle Busty Betty tonight." He looked directly at Narcissa. "You wrestle her, and I'll make sure your husband comes to collect you all."

Narcissa sputtered. "I couldn't! I mean, that is completely out of the question, Fletcher."

"Well," Mundungus said. "How long do you think it would take you wandering around London trying to find another witch or wizard to help you?" He looked at Bella and raised a brow. "I mean... all I have to do is tell an Auror I know where you are."

Narcissa realized she had no choice.

"You are a bastard, you know." She stated.

"I know." He smiled.

"What do I have to do?" She asked.

"Just get in and try to take Betty down. If you have to tap out, just hit three times on her shoulder."

"Tap out?" Narcissa asked.

Draco offered. "If she chokes you out, she'll let go if you tap three times on her arm."

"You've got to be kidding me." Narcissa breathed.

"So," Draco stated, "you wrestle this Busty Betty and we get to go home, right?"

"That seems to be the long and short of it." Narcissa stated dejectedly.

"I can't wait." Said Bella, wistfully.

Just then, the midget came up to the group.

"We're ready for you." He said smiling up to Narcissa. "If you'll follow me to the back, we'll get you all set up."

Narcissa looked at her sister, and Bella appeared to have swallowed a canary.

"I suppose you'll want to go back with me." Narcissa said.

"Does a mermaid shit in the water?" Bella asked.

"Well, let's go then." Narcissa said as she turned to follow the little man.

They followed him through a door next to the stage, and into what appeared to be a storeroom. Through the storeroom was another door. This door led to a changing room. There were lockers and a shower. A threadbare, green sofa sat along one wall. The little man turned back toward the two.

"I suppose I should introduce myself." He said politely. "Name's Texas Jim. If you need anything before the match, you just let me know."

The two women smiled and shook his tiny hand.

"Texas Jim?" Bellatrix asked.

Texas Jim smiled. "I'm from the states, if you couldn't tell. I was born in Texas."

"Why did you come to London?" Narcissa asked.

Texas Jim grinned. "Well… I was born in Texas. I just wasn't quite big enough for Texas."

The two women looked at each other, lost.

"...wasn't quite big enough for Texas." Jim continued as if repeating himself might help.

Still nothing.

"Everything's bigger in Texas?" He probed.

Bella shrugged her shoulders and Jim raised an eyebrow.

"First ones what didn't get that joke." He said. "Anyway, I'll need the name you want to go by, and where you're from. I have to go check on something but I'll be back."

Jim turned and walked out the door.

"Why are Texans obsessed with size, I wonder?" Narcissa asked looking at her reflection in the mirror.

"Who knows… must be a Muggle thing." Bellatrix blew a curl out of her face and plopped on the couch. "What's your name going to be?"

"Don't know. Do you have some ideas?" Narcissa asked. "This whole thing is ridiculous, if you ask me."

"How 'bout 'Jocasta the Dragon Tamer'?" Bellatrix grinned.

Narcissa spun around, eyes narrowed.

"Oh don't give me that look, Cissy. Soon as the boy came into the loo at the club, I could smell you on him." Bellatrix stated. "How was he, anyway? The young ones are always so eager. Oh...and my other question… When on earth did you find the time?"

"Really, Bella?" Narcissa said as she turned toward the mirror and adjusted her fedora.

Bellatrix stood and sauntered over to the dressing table. She maneuvered in and sat so Narcissa had to move to the left to adjust.

"Really." Bella said, arms folded.

Narcissa looked down at her sister and paused. She couldn't control the huge smile that cut into her face.

"Sweet Goddess, I was just bluffing!" Bellatrix said, uncrossing her arms. "You fucked him... you whore!" She laughed aloud.

Narcissa's eye's widened for a moment, then narrowed.

"I'm not talking to you about this." She said as she walked over and sat on the couch.

"Seems you don't have to, dear sister." Bellatrix stated as she hopped off the table and unexpectedly sat down directly in Narcissa's lap.

"Get off of me you ugly cow!" She screeched, attempting to shove Bellatrix onto the floor.

Bella hung on, laughing.

"Perhaps I should read your thoughts and see what other dirty little secrets you keep from me." She said, poking her sister's forehead playfully.

"I said...get...off...me!" Narcissa shoved and Bella fell to the floor onto her backside.

"Starting early?" Texas Jim said from the doorway.

"Just a little family matter." Bellatrix stood, brushed off her clothes and glanced at her sister. Narcissa rolled her eyes.

"I see." Said Jim. "Have you thought of a name?"

"Jocasta the Dragon Tamer from parts unknown." Bella answered.

"Absolutely not!" Narcissa stood.

Jim shook his head. "Whatever. You should probably take your shoes off. Listen for the announcer, and go out the door we came in. Parade around the ring for a bit, and give the crowd a show. Betty will come out next, I'll 'ding' the bell, and the match will begin. Do you think you can handle that?"

"Yes but…" Narcissa began.

"Great. Try not to get killed." Jim said as he turned and walked out the door.

Narcissa glared at Bella. "I hate you, you know."

"No you don't." Bellatrix smiled.

Just then, a deep voice came over the stereo system in the club.

"Here we are then." Narcissa said, taking off her shoes.

The two women made their way through the storeroom and waited by the door to the bar.

"This is going to be wonderful!" Bellatrix said, practically jumping up and down.

"You are sick." Narcissa said.

"We have a new challenger tonight, ladies and gentlemen!" The announcer began. "From parts unknown, for your viewing pleasure… JOCASTA, TAMER OF DRAGONS!"

"Oh dear Goddess." Narcissa said as Bella pushed her through the door.

The crowd roared, and the spotlight fell as Narcissa made her way into the ring. Bellatrix walked around the stage and stood on the outside of the ropes in front of an old jukebox.

"This is absolutely disgusting!" Narcissa yelled over the crowd, looking down at the muck.

"This is the best day of my life!" Bellatrix screamed as she clapped her hands together.

Then, the announcement music began to crescendo. The crowd quieted and the spotlights started to scan the stage and the audience.

"Ladies and gentlemen, this is what you've been waiting for! Put your hands together, and welcome back your champion! Still undefeated! Still big breasted! BUSTY BETTY!"

The crowd went wild and Narcissa looked at Bellatrix. Bellatrix' eyes went wide.

"It's not human." She whispered.

Narcissa turned and saw her opponent for the first time. Busty Betty was a mammoth model of female flesh. Narcissa thought she might faint.

Betty stepped into the ring, and moved to shake hands with Narcissa. Narcissa took her hand, but Betty underhandedly threw Narcissa into the ropes knocking Bella into the jukebox. The jukebox kicked on and began to play over the loudspeaker.

_WELCOME TO THE JUNGLE_

_WE GOT FUN AND GAMES_

_WE GOT EVERYTHING YOU WANT_

_HONEY WE KNOW THE NAMES_

_WE ARE THE PEOPLE WHO CAN FIND_

_WHATEVER YOU MAY NEED_

_IF YOU GOT THE MONEY, HONEY_

_WE GOT YOUR DISEASE_

Bella's crazy came out to play.

"You're a dead woman!" She screamed as she jumped in the ring. The crowd was in a frenzy.

"You're not supposed to be in here!" Narcissa yelled.

Betty smiled evilly and taunted the both of them.

"You wanna take this bitch down, or what?!" Bellatrix asked.

Narcissa looked at Betty.

"Let's dance, Man Hands."

_WELCOME TO THE JUNGLE_

_IT GETS WORSE HERE EVERYDAY_

_YA LEARN TO LIVE LIKE AN ANIMAL_

_IN THE JUNGLE WHERE WE PLAY_

_IF YOU'VE GOT A HUNGER FOR WHAT YOU SEE_

_YOU'LL TAKE IT EVENTUALLY_

_YOU CAN HAVE ANYTHING YOU WANT_

_BUT YOU BETTER NOT TAKE IT FROM ME_

Betty lunged toward Narcissa, but Bella tripped her midway. It was like watching a meteor crash to earth. She face planted in the mud, splattering it into the rabid crowd. Narcissa dove on top, but Betty's strength shook her off. Bella pile drove her back into the sludge, and Narcissa jumped back on and grabbed hair.

_YOU KNOW WHERE YOU ARE?_

_YOU IN THE JUNGLE, BABY!_

_YOU'RE….GONNA….DIE_

_IN THE JUNGLE_

_WELCOME TO THE JUNGLE_

_WATCH IT BRING YOU TO YOUR_

_SHA NA NA NA NA NA NA NA_

_KNEES, KNEES_

"Choke her out!" Bella yelled.

Narcissa wrapped her arms around Betty's neck and squeezed. Betty kicked Bella into the mud and standing, lifted Narcissa into the air. The blonde sister hung on as the amazon began to fling her around the ring.

_WELCOME TO THE JUNGLE_

_WATCH IT BRING YOU TO YOUR_

_KNEES, KNEES_

Bellatrix dodged and waited, hoping the giant woman would lose consciousness. Soon she began to slow and stumble. The crowd howled. Betty dropped to her knees. Teetering, the giantess lifted her hand and tapped out. Narcissa let go and stood.

_WELCOME TO THE JUNGLE_

_WATCH IT BRING YOU TO YOUR_

Busty Betty, the undefeated, fell forward into the mud.

_IT'S GONNA BRING YOU DOWN...HA!_

The crowd went wild, cheering and screaming. Draco, Morty and Clara came rushing up to the ring.

"That was brilliant, mum!" Draco said, grinning.

Narcissa and Bellatrix were covered in mud and breathing heavily. Morty helped the two out.

"I didn't think it was possible. That woman came out and I'm pretty certain she had her own gravitational pull." Morty laughed.

"That's because she's half giant." Mundungus said from behind.

"Oh you're next you piece of filth!" Bella said as she lunged.

Fletcher backed up, and Morty caught her before she connected. Narcissa shot an angry glare.

"We had a deal, remember?" She reminded.

"I haven't forgotten. I'll be back shortly with your husband." Mundungus said as he quickly made an exit.

"We should probably wait outside." Draco said. "I don't think father would 'approve' of a place like this."

The rest of the group was in agreement. Muddy and exhausted they made their way to the front door and out. They alley was surprisingly quiet.

"This may have been the most exciting day of my life." Morty reminisced.

"It was pretty fun." Draco agreed.

Clara looked at the rest and smiled.

"Will we ever see you again after tonight?" She asked.

Narcissa looked at Bella.

"Perhaps you might." She said, smiling back at Clara. "Witches and wizards are known to pop in from time to time."

Clara smiled.

Just then a large crack resounded by the refuse bin. Mundungus was back with Lucius in tow.

"What in the seven hells happened?" He asked, eyeing his wife and Bellatrix.. "And who are these people?" Motioning to Morty and Clara.

"Darling," Narcissa began, "we've had the most wretched day. We used the wrong portkey. These people were kind enough to see us through to get help."

Lucius looked over Morty and Clara.

"Well, I suppose a thank you is in order." He said.

Morty walked up with an outstretched hand and a smile.

"No problem whatsoever my good man. I'm sure you're relieved to have your family back safe and sound. You are a lucky man."

Lucius looked down at Morty's hand, but didn't take it.

"Quite." He said, then looked at Narcissa. "Are you ready then?"

"Certainly, dear. Though... Do you think you might get them to their hotel first? It's probably a long walk, and they've been ever so accommodating."

Lucius paused for a moment.

"Fine," was all he said.

"You're a good man." Morty smiled.

"Wait!" Bella panicked. She ran up to Clara before the small group disapparated. "I want you to have this." Bella pulled out the now muddy Christmas angel from one of the folds of her dress. "Thank you for teaching me the knitting."

Clara took the angel and smiled. "Thank you for spending the day with an old woman."

"Are we ready now?" Lucius asked.

With smiles and waves, Lucius, Morty and Clara disappeared with a 'pop'.

The rest stood in silence, lost in their own thoughts. Finally, Bella spoke.

"So...what do you wanna do now?"

Draco and Narcissa looked at each other, then back at Bella. Just then, they heard a ruckus from the doorway.

"There you are!"

Busty Betty stood in the doorway, covered in mud.

"Run!" Bella screamed. "She's gonna kill us!"

"No wait!" She called. "You forgot your trophy."

The group turned slowly around as Betty walked up and handed Narcissa a wooden and brass trophy.

"If you ever want a rematch, I'm here every Saturday." She said.

"I'm sure I'll keep that in mind." Narcissa smiled. Betty turned and walked back into the club.

"Where are you going to keep that, mum?" Draco asked.

Narcissa looked down at the object.

"I honestly have no idea." She said.

Bella craned her neck to look at it.

"Looks like it would make a great cursed portkey." She stated.

Narcissa and Draco, both wide eyed and frantic, yelled, "NO!"

"It was just an idea." Bella stated quietly into the night.

A/N

Ok witches and wizards, one more short epilogue and we're done. Thanks to Axle Rose for helping with the wrestling match. He's a good guy, no matter what anyone says. Thanks also for the reviews. I'm telling you, they're my crack. I need them to live. Not really… but they are kind of cool.


	7. Epilogue

Epilogue- 25 years later

Samaritan Healthcare & Hospice

Marlton, New Jersey

Christmas Eve

Clara laid in her bed. The room was bright and cold, as hospital rooms were wont to be. At least they had given her a warmed blanket. Her family was there. Daughter and son in law. She liked him a whole lot. Matter of fact, she liked them all. Her grandchildren had graduated college, and the oldest had a family of her own. Beautiful family, she thought to herself.

'I've done well.' She mused as she took a labored breath.

Ninety-seven.

'People aren't supposed to grow this old,' she thought, smiling to herself.

She'd lost Morty shortly after the fated trip. He was terminal even then. He had been diagnosed with an inoperable brain tumor and London was his bucket list. He had the time of his life, and so did she. They talked about the adventure often in the last days, before the pain was too great.

Somehow though, she continued on through the years... till now. Stubbornness mostly, but there was still that unnamed tug that compelled her to live the remaining years of her life, searching for those certain people that affected all of them so greatly. She felt, sometimes, that they were there, watching in the shadows. Keeping an eye out, as it were. She thought she saw them sometimes, out of the corner of her eye...but when she turned to look...they were gone.

Now, all she had, were the stories of that fateful night. Stories her children and grandchildren listened to, humoring her and finding excuses to do something else other than hear an old woman's crazy tales.

There was always one that listened, however. Her great grandson, Michael. He was ten, about to turn eleven. She had a feeling he might just receive his own Hogwart's letter soon. He was a special boy, different from the others, and not just because he listened to her stories.

There was a commotion at the door, and Clara looked toward the noise.

"You can't just bring that in here." Clara heard one of the many nurses say.

"I can do whatever I like. Besides, it's not up to you." He stated emphatically.

There was Michael. Carrying a small Christmas tree in.

"The boy's fine. Leave him be." Clara said smiling. "Besides...I like it. Doesn't an old woman deserve a dying Christmas wish?"

Michael grinned at the nurse who huffed as she went out the door.

"Mom... Stan and I are going to get a bite to eat. Will you be ok till we get back?" Clara's daughter inquired.

"I'll be fine dear."

Clara's daughter looked toward her grandson.

"Michael, are you hungry?"

"No Grandma, I'd like to stay with Gran for a bit." He said.

"Suit yourself then... try not to get her all riled up."

They left and Michael finished setting the tree up on the small dresser next to the window.

"You know I'm dying, don't you boy." Clara said. She was never one to mince words.

Michael fiddled with the tree as he spoke.

"Yes, Gran."

"Come here and sit with me."

Michael stopped and came over to sit on the edge of her bed.

"You were the only one who listened to my stories, you know." Clara said as a cough escaped her lips.

"I love your stories, Gran." He said reaching for her hand.

"Do you believe them?"

Michael paused, gathering his thoughts.

"Yes, I think I do. Why?"

Clara took her hand back and began to fish around in the opposite sleeve of her nightgown. The boy waited patiently as she withdrew an old knitted disaster of what appeared to be some sort of skull and snake.

"Is that...?" Michael began to ask.

Clara looked at her great grandson and smiled.

"I've kept this put away for so very long. It's time it made its debut."

"So the stories are true then." He mused.

"Indeed they are, my boy."

Michael sat back and eyed the ornament.

"Why are you showing me this now?" He asked.

Clara looked at her great grandson with brows raised.

"I see potential in you, boy. I see great things. I see things your own parents don't see. I knew you believed in my stories long before you answered that question. There is a world that exists beyond what you understand now, and it will soon become part of you, I'd wager."

Clara took a labored breath. At this point, breathing had even become difficult. Her new adventure would soon come round the bend, but she would not leave without speaking her peace to the one boy who would see her through, and take with him the hopes and dreams of a tired old woman.

Michael looked on, with the pensive gaze he assumed when he was processing something somewhat intangible to most. When his face relaxed, Clara knew he had realized a great truth. She reached out her hand once again and clasped his.

"Tell me what you're thinking, Michael."

He looked at her and took a breath. With a steel resolve, so unlike most ten year olds, he began to speak.

"Gran..." He began, "When most people say they believe in something, it's only mostly.

"Mostly?" She asked.

"Yes. I think when people say they believe in something they've never seen, they almost get there. But there's a piece of them that always wonders. Wonders if it's really so. Does that make sense, Gran?"

Clara smiled at the intuition the young boy brought forth.

"Yes... It makes complete sense, sweet boy."

"I heard your stories my whole life. I always believed... or maybe I only wanted to. I think up until just now, I only believed... mostly."

"What changed?" She asked.

Michael looked up at his great grandmother.

"Proof." He spoke plainly. "People just need proof. It takes away the bit that mostly leaves behind."

Clara squeezed the boy's hand. It was time.

"I want you to have this, Michael." Clara said as she handed the old ornament over to him. Michael took it gently. "When you get your letter, you go and be the best wizard you can. Try to always help people who need helping. Learn and love, boy. Make people laugh as much as you can."

Clara leaned toward him and whispered.

"Most of all, Michael...have fun."

"I love you, Gran." He said with tears in his eyes.

Clara leaned back, closed her eyes, and breathed her last.

Michael sat at her bedside for a few minutes in silence when he heard a popping noise outside the hall. Still clutching the ornament, he rose to investigate. Outside, there was nothing save an empty bed awaiting a room of its own.

Michael looked toward the empty nurse's station and his breath quickened. There, standing in the hallway, stood a man and a woman. The woman had the most interesting hair. Both blonde and black, as if her creator just couldn't decide what side she'd be on. The man, dressed in black, wore a fedora atop a head of hair so blonde it almost looked white.

Michael's mouth gaped open like a fish out of water.

"You..." Was all he managed to say in awe.

The woman smiled genuinely, and the man bowed and tipped his hat. They turned then, and disappeared down a hall.

"Wait! Stop!" Michael called as he gathered himself to pursue.

He turned the corner and stopped. The hall was a dead end, and they had seemingly just disappeared. Michael grinned and shook his head. He turned and made his way back to Clara's room. It was still silent as he looked around. His eyes fell to the tree he'd brought in earlier. The snow had begun to fall, as he walked toward the tree. Michael looked down at the ornament in his hand. It was really horrible looking. He smiled again and hung it on the tree.

"Happy Christmas, witches and wizards." He whispered as he turned and walked out of the silent room.

A/N

Well, that wraps it up. Thank you for staying till the end. Thanks again to the Milf that offered up challenge. This was fun. Thanks for all the kind reviews. Till next time then…


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